#or even some minor moment
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Getting back into CR after a few years away and boy does it remind me how much the fandom bothers me, but I can finally put into words why:
Taliesin Jaffe is an LGBT+ artist, and Liam O'Brien is Taylor Swift.
#critical role discourse#fandom salt#the latter is probably more accurate#lgbt people screaming and crying over liam saying the word gay#while taliesin is an out bi guy who makes beautiful and unique lgbt characters#yes liam also creates lgbt characters#but it feels like the fandom only ever focuses on his#outside of shipping the one wlw pair of the last two campaigns#which you know will fall by the wayside if liam starts persuing someone in game#or even some minor moment#ie ppl caring way more about wm for most of the campaign when there were perfectly good wlw options right there
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She para on my humans till I [GRUESOME SOUNDS OF BUG FUELED VIOLENCE]
Redraw of a skitter design I did a little over a year ago, comparison under the read more
And the sketch. As a little treat. Just for you.
#taylor Herbert#parahumans#parahumans worm#worm#my art#I’m sorry it’s so dark her hair being black and her suit also being black is so irritating to me#eyes changed to red to mimic a fly. face mask had a minor change to mimic the head of an ant better#antennae got a little extra prong to mimic ant pincers and also bc hollow knight fan#boots got a steel toe for maximum violence potential#suit padding was actually referenced off of motorcycle armor instead of just winging it#no skirt or belt because I don’t think the former looked good and I didn’t want to draw the latter#even if it’s not canonically accurate she needs some form of armor. Taylor your vital organs. they’re in danger.#iirc she DID put knee pads and stuff on when she first started out. and yet she refuses to wear a helmet. inevitable TBI moment.#in terms of general art stuff the posing looks so much better. look who learned about contrapposto.#and improved (a little) at anatomy. not really on costume design but we’re taking baby steps.#I’d like to thank the wormblr fans for recirculating the og post every three months or so for getting me out of my art block#nothing will make you draw faster than seeing your old art go around.#i promise I’ll finish worm one day 🫡#end of patch notes/ted talk/etc
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Something I love about Light is he's a ridiculously tough character while also being a ridiculous tantrum thrower at times too. I think we the audience sometimes see him as a bit more volatile than he actually appears to other characters because we see all his inner freaking out and his private outbursts and his sneaky little grins and asides? So he's still fun and dynamic as a protagonist to follow and to watch, but he's also not actually passive or boring or a big wimp that gets frustrating to follow. He's just always up for whatever and incredibly sure he's going to come out the winner, even when he's stressed af or trying to win at the worst thing you've ever seen
#thinking about this because although it's funny when people characterize him as a big whiny hissy fit thrower or someone who yells#at every minor inconvenience#that's def not how he actually appears to most other characters and I think he would be intimidating to oppose#also he probably is harder to sympathize with in some moments you might normally easily sympathize with him because he really doesn't#actually tend to complain a lot even when going through something totally insane#like misa's blackmailing romance and L's extreme methods of investigating him#light yagami#p
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Thinking about a Durge who has rejected Bhaal, and whatever person they used to be, but still secretly longs for their lost memories. A Durge that, despite the answers the man could give them, would never re-ignite that strange passion they were shown they once had for Gortash. A Durge that has, for all purposes to the others in their party, moved on. A Durge that, six months after that day atop the Netherbrain, at a party celebrating their new life, receives a strange letter with an even stranger gadget hidden inside.
The meeting at the inauguration was a strange one. Despite Gortash's very obvious elation at seeing what he'd called his 'dearest friend', the man had no hesitation very proudly detailing the Dark Urge's grand scheme; their grand design for the world to be.
In front of all their friends and 'new' lover, of course.
They were furious, and rightly so. Gortash must have known what he was doing. To isolate them, to bring them back to him. The person who accepted them for all they were, all they are, and all they could be - together.
It wasn't enough to win the Dark Urge back to him, and although they'd tentatively teamed up in the end - he had died. Not by the Urge's hand, but in some ways, his own. The group had left Gortash's body within the Prism, and simply moved on. There were bigger problems, and no one really was sad to see him go. Right?
The Urge remembers a letter found in Moonrise Towers. Gortash liked gadgets, according to Ketheric. Evidence was abundant enough with the Steel Watchers, among other things. The item is strangely shaped, entirely too small, and with a simple touch, comes to life.
It reminds them of the strange picture they had seen at the Iron Throne. Gortash's visage shone through a glass, moving, talking - warning them to leave. Answering them, praising them for listening.
What a strange contraption, they'd thought all those months ago.
And then, now, there he was again. A picture, in their hand. A moving picture. Speaking with his voice, wearing his weary face - so, so weary - but not the same as before.
This had passed already. The voice did not answer them this time. It was simply impossible - the man was dead, but not quite gone in this moment.
He speaks of the inauguration like it had just happened. His joy at seeing his favourite 'assassin' again, which he says with a sad smile and a moment of silence. A heavy sigh follows, rubbing at his eyes - which they can see are so much darker than they last remember.
He is tired.
Gortash speaks of their time together, before Orin - and how Orin torments him day and night now that they had both confirmed the Urge's return. She appears with their face, taunting him some days. Other days she sends assassins that wear the same, and he simply cannot let his guard down anymore. But he knew it was them that day.
They can see the exhaustion that pulls down his features, makes his words heavier. This is not the Archduke speaking to him in this moment - it is a tired, broken down man that has just seen a ghost.
Yet they cling to every word anyway, because even though this is a broken down man who is terrified of the ghost - the man still hopes the ghost will remember him, too.
They don't. But he doesn't know that, not this little picture of him, anyway.
The picture says that if they are seeing this recording, it means he is already dead - and although he had planned to sway them back to his side, he may not have been given the chance, and refuses to allow the opportunity to share what the two of them once had slip away.
He would gift unto them the memories that he could, even beyond death. The bloody ones, the happy ones, the painful ones.
And he talks, he smiles, he even cries.
And so do they.
#durgetash#dark urge x gortash#i dont usually write gushy things but i am trying to write fic of this i need to yell a bit#this has been sitting in my drafts i release it to the world now#dont look at me im cringe#i just think that my own dark urge would always long for their memories despite withers's warnings and#knows that gortash is the only person who could give it to them and selfishly sides with him because of it#and when gortash dies he knows all is lost. and accepts it. he has a new life now. its okay. (its not okay)#and when they see that funky lil thing in the letter They Know. They KNOW it's from That man#and there's a moment of hesitation as those words from withers flash in their mind again but nope fuck it. selfishness wins.#and even though the man was a monster - they were once eachother's monsters and - there are his answers. some of them anyway.#and he can finally let go of that : )#i dont have a writing tag nor do i want one rn this is a rarity for me#bg3 epilogue spoilers#minor spoilers but still
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yello! I just wanted to ask if your ocs have set ethnicities? For quite a while now I've had this sneaking suspicion that Sun and Dice are greek since their last names are greek in origin and you also mentioned that Sun would make Dice and himself avgolemono soup (which is a greek dish) when they were kids. So since I don't think you've clearly stated any ethnicities (atleast not that I remember?) I just wanted to confirm my suspicions and ask if any other ocs have set ethnicities?
Okay bye bye I will pass out now snorkmimimimi🛌
-🦢
hope you had a good rest swan nonnie🥺🩷 you are right in that sun and dice are greek, and i'm glad that it was deducable enough through the stuff i have up for them!! i've yet to make a post abt it so ig this will be the one🤧 the intention is to explore their backgrounds more in their stories but,, i think it's obvious that will be a long time coming at the rate i write ahahaha😔💔
not all of them are decided yet but of the ones i can confirm:
sun, dice: greek
vio, bear, bea: romanian
laurent: french + hispanic
clover: korean
shura: russian
i probably won't set an ethnicity for ophelia or dia since they're technically dolphins (can dolphins have ethnicity??) you can hc them as you'd like😭 when i figure out the rest of them i will update this
#lovenotesfromdar#i don't think i need to say this but i will do so anyway as a gentle reminder#if sending in an ask concerning ethnicity/sexuality/gender idenitity or anything of similar significance regarding my ocs pls be mindful and#respectful in the way you word things#this isn't directed at you swan nonnie you're always polite#but on occasion i've gotten some asks from anons i have since blocked that just come off vv rudely#even if you think 'oh they're just fictional characters i can say what i like' take a moment and think abt it#it isn't abt the characters perse but moreso being considerate of the *representation* of minorities that matters#tl;dr this blog does not tolerate hate so think before you send smth in#sorry i rambled in the tags again😭 just wanted to take the opportunity to mention this#anyway again this isnt at you swan nonnie ily🥰#you're the absolute best♥️
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Honestly your tags are so fun to read every time, i'm almost more excited for them than the actual post (but not entirely because your art is SO GOOD!!!! i adore it). If you don't mind me asking, what are you studying?
i am studying psychology because i refuse to see a therapist so ill figure out whats wrong with me myself !!!!!!!
#snap chats#WITH. a minor in human resources ☝️ because im evil or something#and whatever character/s i decide to fixate on for the next three years i will also psychoanalyze them I Guess. //loud coughing//#tbh i only saw a therapist to get medicine but since bloodwork is expensive without insurance i dont even do that anymore. sad !#but yeah im a certified rambler if i dont share every thought i have so people understand me as much as i want them to ill die#which is why charles xavier if youre out there you have full rights to my brain .......... //gross wink sound//#why cant telepaths be real itd make my life so much easier. i woudnt have to talk a mile a minute anymore#because i do talk very fast because growing up my mom would cut me off a lot#so now i talk fast in fear of being cut off without all my thoughts being heard. anyways.#thank you for also enjoying my art :] a sideshow to the glory that is my tags i KNOWWW but im glad my efforts are not unnoticed 😌#back to My Major tho when i was in middle school i thought i wanted to go into comic books#but then i thought id lose my love for drawing if i did it professionally so now i do it. semi professionally#on my own terms babyyyy thats right. and if im lucky i get paid to draw my faves im living the dream babes#thats why my text posts take nine years for me to type im legitimately sitting here thinking if i said everything i wanted#and if i worded it right but even then after it's up im like 'but did i word it right tho' but its like 'bro just fucking POST IT'#'ITS NOT THAT DEEP' its as my favorite professor once told me 'youre very paranoid' and he's right !!!! im very paranoid 🥰#ok im done now. see thats why i say Ok Im Done Now its a sign im forcing myself to shut UP#wait not done Almost but not quite i was rewatching 97 to Try to get caps of charles in his combat uniform#and i fear i still cackle at erik telling charles to shut up like PLEAAASSE...... i need that bit CLIPPED#it makes me giggle ... someone remind me to clip all of erik's cameos in the squirrelgirl podcast btw#ive been meaning to do that for weeks but. oops <3 i need all my grandpa's moments CATALOGUED and AT THE READY..#ok i done fr now i have class with my you're-paranoid professor in like an hour and i wanna get some work done before then#BYYYYYEEEE. FOR LIKE TWENTY MINUTES PROBABLY IDK
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Taylor returning over and over to the falling through the ice accident in the Bolter—everything to me
#like. just. the shock of it all#there’s something about Taylor where her experience of life is so ….. brutal#like I don’t know how else to say it but it just is. life is not easy on her it is always ready to CLOBBER her#and in a way she’s not easy on life. there’s some kind of magnets/opposite poles stuff where she’s just always drawn to the worst things#to feeling them and experiencing them and almost ??? creating them#like I don’t mean to overstate it. and I know she has a family who loves her (thank GOD)#and also she’s very practical and industrious about creating this very Instagram worthy life full of Fine Things and a Fun Time#and of course all the resources in the world at her disposal to create all the trappings of it#whether it’s a celebrity Fourth of July party or the eras tour#and she’ll do it and love it. but as all the best critics know and point out the most fascinating thing about Taylor is always the music#and it’s where all the weirdness and stubbornness and difficulties of her life. her a c t u a l longings her actual fears#her actual terrible awful experiences that she charges headlong down the paths of#is set free! and it’s breathtaking in the most shocking way#like falling through the ice! I always say the first thing that always hits me about a Taylor album is the bitterness#just this blast in the face. and her music is so gentle! in so many ways#and the packaging is so appealing and her voice is so soft and expressive and there is none of that weird experimentation#even musically (remember when she shut down imogen heap for putting a minor chord in clean she was like absolutely not. I’m obsessed)#(with that moment forever)#but like. so much of Taylor’s packaging and life and HER really does SEEM so basic or ordinary or just rich girl ordinary I guess#she likes basic things and wants basic things. but also she is so hungry so restless so angry so wounded the rich internal life is CHURNING#all the time. every second. and it’s spectacular to watch and also I will worry about her until the day I die#or just—-I don’t know. it’s going to be spectacular and it is sometimes going to be awful#but she will keep furiously writing her way through it!!#there IS such a woundedness to her. and it makes me love her so much because it’s packaged in such a way people think it must just be#whining or privilege. but it’s not! it’s just. the human condition and Taylor’s own flaws#okay I’ve lost the plot here a bit in my ramblings but yeah the ice metaphor. insanely perfect
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I assume you got hate for that L&D ask? I'm sorry that was done. Feel better soon. Maybe say less next time.
i appreciate your kind words, thank you. however, while i'm sure you had the best intention with this, i don't think i will 'say less'. this is my blog, my space, and as long as i'm not actually causing harm to anyone or anything along that line, i think i'm allowed to have some degree of freedom regarding saying what i like/dislike and setting my boundaries. i'm sorry, but i'm not an influencer, nor a public figure who has the responsibility to spread positivity and be a role model to you all. i try as much as i can, of course, but that's not the purpose of this blog. i'm just a human being who needed an outlet for writing and wanted to connect with like-minded people.
what part was not 'right'? that i expressed, in my own blog, how i didn't want to try out a game because one of the reasons is i find the graphics of the fictional characters off-putting, when asked? that i likened a fictional game art style to a different franchise and objects you see all the time in adult site ads? that i never said anything about the people who do like the game and told them "i'm happy you found a game you like"? that i never, not even once, went to other people's posts or blog who posted that game's content to ruin their fun like a bastard? that i actively chose to use tumblr's filter instead? that even if the filter didn't work, i chose to scroll and ignore instead of bitching about it?
pray tell, what did i do wrong? why should i say less? since when am i not allowed to dislike things?
and a public psa ー i'm sorry, but bluntly speaking, if you take an affront when I expressed MY own opinion, WHEN PROMPTED, WITHIN MY OWN SPACE (and god forbid you retaliate like that anon(s?) by spamming me to shut the fuck up and kill myself), then that's really not my problem. it's an art direction, for god's sake. i adore zhongli, who gets memed and made fun of as a cockroach all the time; you don't see me screaming at people to stop.
learn that people may not like the things you like. learn to agree to disagree. learn to treat others as fellow human beings with likes and dislikes. learn to separate fiction from reality.
and seriously, if you're annoyed with my rambles or 'babblings' or the interactions with my friends, tumblr has a filter and block function. it's just a simple google away. give some peace to your own mind.
#minors dni#rin answers#rin is having tea with: daydreams-and-wonder#and to clarify. i'm not mad at you daydreams-and-wonder!!#i truly appreciate the well wishes#but i had to get this out of my system because it's just so ridiculous that this is happening imo#cw vent in following tags#then again#excluding my actual friends. out of 8.5k of people following me i wonder if even one percent of you actually think of me as a human being#and not just a blob in your phone who churns out somewhat decent content every now and then#or some sentient hybrid between a journal or twitter you could just go anytime to feed your need for validation and attention one sidedly#or an entertaining monkey you put on a stage to watch just for the fun of it only to 'cancel' the moment i 'slip up'#maybe it's my pms. maybe i'm just stressed rn. or maybe it's long time coming#but i'm not just tired anymore. i'm getting disgusted of this treatment
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huh......
#bwark#anipoke lb#anipoke is so fucking baffling#it'll be pretty progressive by having brock do what's considered to be traditionally feminine household chores like cooking and sewing#and it's never treated as a joke. it's a strong point of his character to show how much he cares for his siblings despite he desire to#adventure out#and then it'll have some transmisogynistic episodes where the entire joke is ''haha look at ash wearing a dress''#and then it'll have moments like this where this minor character is clearly an effeminate gay man who even wears a skirt and make up#but he's not the butt of any joke. he's just a normal guy with an interesting character quirk#the main characters treat him the same as everybody else#can they make up their mind when it comes to handling gender nonconformity. preferrably in the Not transmisogynistic direction#(not saying brock or ash are gnc but like. that sort of thing in general ya know?)
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Shadows of Fear: White Walls and Olive-Green Carpets (1.8, Thames, 1971)
"Often, a man wants a girl as long as he can't have her. Then, when he's free to marry her, he has second thoughts. He thinks he could do better for himself: no hurry, shop around. It happens."
"Just like that, huh?"
"People do what's best for themselves. I've been let down before now."
"Often?"
"No one ever did it more than once."
#shadows of fear#white walls and olive green carpets#single play#classic tv#horror tv#1971#thames#hugh leonard#james gatward#ian bannen#natasha parry#geoffrey wright#rosemary croom johnson#john kershaw#some stylistic flourishes here which instantly set this one apart from the other plays in this brief series‚ including uniquely styled#title boards and credits. the ep itself is... it's a curious one. Leonard was a whizz at dialogue (he did some of my very favourite Dickens#adaptations in the previous decade‚ including the seminal 1967 BBC Great Expectations) and Bannen was a superb actor (Parry‚ who I know#much less well‚ holds her own against him i must say) so naturally this sparkles during their lengthy (and unashamedly stagey) conversation#however‚ the focus is so much on that dialogue that very little actually seems to be happening; inescapably this seems to be another case#of a minor plot padded out to meet the run time‚ a recurring issue with this series. but! a last minute (and well deployed) twist (or very#slight series of very small twists) saves this one. what Leonard has spent so long setting up‚ the very gradual sketching in of these#characters and their relationship‚ actually pays off‚ and in an appropriately (to this specific genre of tv anyway) nasty way#he really does stretch it as far as he can before providing that catharsis tho‚ testing the patience of an idle tv viewer (i wouldn't be at#all surprised if some 70s viewers had just flicked over to the BBC before the play ended). but i appreciate a slow burn‚ particularly when#it wraps up this neatly and this satisfyingly. a play that is definitely made in its final moments and which rewards the dedicated viewer#even the title‚ at first seemingly plucked at random from lines in the first act‚ takes on a very different and very sinister meaning
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Just experienced the gayest as fuck experience at school. like living the dream type shit, and ironically it was not gay at the same time?
Apparently, according to my classmates, my hair is ridiculously soft. And I've actually been rewarded with headpats due to this, in which, as a touch starved gayass catboy? Absolute win.
Then I come over and quite literally draw boobs with my friends, in which one of them is one of the cutest girls in class (unanimous opinion btw) and I also find her very adorable and pretty, aesthetic attraction type beat <33
She then discovers the magic that is my hair, and then begins to hyperfixate on it and pet it endlessly. Like full on unlimited headpats!!! Just full on caressing my hair and it went on for about an HOUR and like??? holy moly?
Honestly the gay dream, and the craziest part is it wasn't even inherently romantic to me?? But anyways I just folded like a leaf, eyes dilated like a cat, and laid there pretending to have fallen asleep to the headpats and SHE DIDNT STOP!!! living the DREAM <3
#rennikorambles#well now i say that my hair is a masterpiece#i get headpats for FREE#i got some from another classmate too beforhand like just out of the blue#and of course i dont object cuz. well. free headpats#it was just such a perfect gay moment which was ironically NOT gay and it was ridiculous#also my other classmate who was (playfully like as a bit) Cute Girl's ''girlfriend'' was playing so jealous about it GFDJSAHFDSASHJ#I HEARD THE WHOLE THING AS I WAS ''SLEEPING''#SCREAMINF LMAO#i deserve every headpat in the world#this was not gay. BUT there IS an Actual Gay Moment that i want to illustrate#it happened a while ago and its very minor but it stuck in my brain AND THE OTHER PERSON DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING#I WAS JUST 👁️👁️
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🫂
#i've had many people ask me in the DMs what could be done to help me out given the orange menace is coming back into power#the best things for me right now (I can't speak to others) is this: 1. Keep supporting my creative endeavors#no matter how little I might post or interact. Please hype me up. I need community. I need spirit to survive.#2. Help me find resources that will help myself and others. Food banks. Community meets. Passports. Finances. Mental health etc.#these are important and I don't want others feeling like sitting ducks. Even though I'm scared I want to be a solution to the problem.#I am going to be a helper in this mess cause that's who I am and I need ammo in this capacity#3. Donate so I can up my ration storage. I've been collecting food water and nonperishables and I'm trying to stock up on medication#and other basic necessities. I'm collecting as if I'm preparing to be homeless again and if I am over capacity I'm giving rations to others#I've had to make peace with the fact I can't run away. I can't move to another country as I'm broke and poor like the rest of my loved ones#4. If you have friends who are disabled or a minority or lgbtq etc. do what you can to protect them and show them that you love them#and build community#5. Share my work and that of others. Who knows if we're gonna have sites like AO3 in the future or even access to tumblr.#this is all I can think of at the moment and again I can't speak for others this is what comes to mind for myself#And I admit I'm coming from a place of the worst case scenarios#because in my mind if I imagine I'm dead or homeless etc. and work my way backward to the next worst thing before that it unravels my fear#and it gives me back my power in the situation by sitting with those fears and giving them time to speak#because in my mind if I'm already dead if I'm already homeless or at war etc. etc. then its already happened and what else is there to fear#if I've been through everything already in mind?#I'm hoping that the worst case scenarios don't transpire but I can't ignore the fact many of them could and probably will happen#in some capacity but I can control the actions I take through prep and facing these fears one by one#and most importantly sticking to routine by making sure im healthy to help people#anyway this is why ive been quiet for a while besides for spending time with friends and loved ones recently to get over what happened#im going to keep going to my classes keep helping people through my jobs try to be creative when I have spoons and little by little#make sure I have enough of what I need to get through the storm and outlive the bastards in power#I'm not sure what sort of pink variant to assign this to but its along the magenta spectrum#love you guys#we'll get through this
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I am re-reading Night Letter and am realizing I didn't do nearly enough research into scar tissue as I should have 💀 I spent hours researching lavender marriages and U.S. Army dog tags from the 1950s (as well as ranks and dismissals and such) instead of researching one of the defining characteristics of the main character, aka his severe facial scarring.
Anyway here I am retconning his scars - they are hypertrophic NOT keloid. That is entirely on me because I didn't know what the fuck the term was for it and assumed that if they were raised then they HAD to be keloids. I'm so sorry for this. Like deeply.
For those who don't know the difference, I don't recommend looking up pics unless you're okay with seeing mild medical g*re. Brief description of the aforementioned scar types:
Keloid: raised, shiny, firm & rubbery in texture with no distinct pattern. Caused by an excess of collagen deposits during the healing process. These scars invasively extend PAST the area of the original wound and do not regress over time. Hard to treat. Can form over months to years after an injury. More common in black folks and other melanated people who have a family history of keloid scarring.
Hypertrophic: raised, but not to the degree of keloids, and can also be different colors and usually have a distinct wavy pattern due to collagen deposits. Also caused by an excess of collagen, but not to the extent of keloids. These scars do NOT extend past the area of the original wound, typically do not recur, and CAN regress over time. Typically appear within a month of two of an injury and do not continue to progress (typically begin to regress actually).
I'm attaching an image below the cut comparing the two.
Left is keloid, right is hypertrophic. You'll see the difference. It's easy to confuse them because they're similar in depiction, but this is a good visual example of exactly HOW they are different. Raised scars =/= keloids!!! Do NOT be a fool like me!!!!
#fic: night letter#scars //#scar //#regg rambles#i'm gonna rewrite night letter at some point. it's not abandoned though#it's just been so long since an update that i'm rereading it and cringing heavily. many clarity edits are needed methinks#and also just minor tweaks i didn't notice the first time around (minimal grammar tweaks#mostly it's all just formatting bc copy pasting italics into AO3 puts a space after the italicized word#which looks horrible when theres punctuation after it!!)#okay so maybe not a REWRITE. just a re-edit. not much i'd REALLY change so far aside from the clarity stuff.#like the clarity in the deacon trash can scene also belongs in the trash alongside deacon himself#there was no good indication that frankie had heard something and that danse was playing along by continuing their convo#it was all an unspoken exchange. but there was also no moment of realization outside of the dialogue.#this is all bc i overexplain everything and was trying to not do that as much#and just left out any mention of danse realizing frankie is hearing something & trusting him implicitly even tho they're actively arguing#it was sooooo good in my head like fuck. the execution was so bad i am cryin at my desk rn#like they're having a BITTER FIGHT. and danse is VERY UPSET.#but the moment he notices frankie being weird. he works with him even though he's mad and upset and everything. it's so delicious in my mind#anyway sorry i didn't take my meds today and i am at work and can't think straight#regg writes
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honest question at what age do people usually graduate high school in your countries?
#i just got a video of someone calling out a couple because they started dating when she was 15 and he was 18#and the only argument was ''she's a minor he's an adult''#and i'm like.... he's Barely and adult 2 the whole him being her counselor is worst than the age gap LMAO#like for me in my last year of high school everyone was 18#and some were dating people in 9 or 10 grade which do i think was the move? not really#but it's not like all these seniors went out of their way to find them if that makes sense#they shared clubs or activities together#the issue with the age gaps is when you're not even in a similar enviroment#so if you're 23 why are you looking at high schoolers kinda vibe#but not if you're both high schoolers why are you dating another high schooler lmao#it's giving minors don't interact the moment you turn 18#b.txt
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i'm not tired, i'm exhausted
#my head is full of sooo many thoughts and i'm feeling way too many emotions right now#i struggled with my thesis today again after a few months break#yesterday a guy i'm kind of getting to know asked me a question that hit home when we were talking about the effects of past events#“'last time when cuddling and i gave you a kiss you tensed up completely for a sec. was that you being shy or being uncomfortable. '#i didn't even realise it and now i'm feeling extremely anxious about my subconscious acting out when i am in fact feeling comfortable#background: he knows my history of unpleasant events concerning intimacy/sex and he's very mindful about it yet challenges me in a good way#but now i am a mixture of extreme exhaustion experiencing high levels of fondness and yet feeling extremely agitated#and having constant minor flashbacks and i really don't know what to do or how to merely exist in this moment now#not going to bother anyone with this and my thoughts as they are having a good time and that also goes for the pretty nice guy i mentioned#so i'm on my own in my own company#maybe some music crying and ice cream straight from the tub would help haha#thank you for taking your time to read this mess love you and have a nice morning day or night#literally no one cares emma
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october is coming. which means, of course, that it is time for the horrors. tfw the dream self must confront the Nightmare Self
#body horror //#homestuck#YES i am invoking tarot symbolism and YES i have reasons for choosing the cards i did and YES i AM just making things up as i go. im normal#symbolism runthrough real quick. consider this an Artist's Statement of sorts.#The Tower: ambition built on a flawed premise. guy who always thinks he knows better than you in dire need of a wakeup call#strength: the journey of the self vis a vis finding the courage to act & tapping into latent potential that always existed#& simply needed to be accessed. note: dirk in this card is brain ghost dirk specifically.#(an illusion constructed by jake because he didn't believe in his own repressed abilities - drawn here as The Horrors.)#the devil: you are maybe not the CAUSE of all of your problems but DAMN you are making them worse for yourself.#this card is SO heavy on unhealthy coping mechanisms. symbolism here - very literally holding self down#sure it feels comforting in the moment but eventually you are going to drown.#the chariot: this one's not super clear visually but i do have a method to my madness#the chariot is the card of willpower; control; forward motion; resolution.#by the same token i think it is also a card about being really really stubborn - blinded by a goal.#holding onto the reins and refusing to let go even when holding them hurts you & others around you.#honestly i think some of the minor arcana fit better for a few of these cards but i wanted to stick w majors#for the sake of Icon Recognition i guess.#anyway [putting the alpha gang in the Narrative Wiggler to work through their problems]#they are going to the Dream Realm to meet their weirdest selves (and friends) in combat. unless...?#(it was never about fighting it was about healing. SYMBOLISM)
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